It is almost universally true that a good relationship and good sex go hand in hand (although the opposite isn’t always true). A relationship is based on a lot – trust, mutual interests, similar goals in life, chemistry, compatibility, etc. In the absence of passion and heat, however, even the most compatible individuals on the planet will become roommates sooner or later.
Working on your relationship and on your sex life can give you the longevity all of us hope for. And while each couple tackles these goals in a specific way, a few approaches have proven their effectiveness through the years.
Find the Cause of Sexual Boredom
Sexual boredom is very often directed towards the person you are in a relationship with. In other words, you’re still interested in sex, you’re simply not too keen on sex with your partner.
When this happens, psychologists suggest digging deeper.
There’s usually some more profound reason for sex with your partner to become less exciting. Are your needs being met? Are you communicating openly and honestly in bed? Are both of you willing to try out new stuff or is one person holding back?
Don’t accept boredom as something normal that simply happens with the passage of time. Some couples have been together for decades and they still enjoy a healthy and active sex life. When you feel like you’re stuck, chances are that something is more fundamentally wrong than just sex. Look for that issue before attempting to do anything else.
Deal with Prejudices and Barriers
Society, our upbringing and religious backgrounds shape up who we are and how we perceive our sexualities.
Unfortunately, such beliefs and notions of what’s normal and what isn’t can be quite restrictive.
Do you have a particular fantasy that you’re too afraid to act out due to the fact it’s not considered vanilla sex? The time has come to overcome the prejudices and the barriers that are keeping your sex life from becoming incredibly hot.
What’s your view on sex toys? G-spot stimulators, anal toys or even couples friendly hollow dildos? The fact that you probably feel curious about them means you should be giving them a try. How about roleplay? Or maybe even some light bondage?
If you feel that a certain sexual practice isn’t ok, ask yourself where that belief comes from. Very often, the reason for your reluctance will be rooted in your upbringing or the beliefs of other people. As long as a sex act is consensual and pleasurable for everyone involved, it should definitely be pursued.
Ok, the first two points make it all seem so very serious but it doesn’t have to be.
People in good, fulfilling relationships laugh together and know how to have a little bit of lighthearted fun.
That attitude should apply to sex, as well.
Sex can often be awkward, messy and unattractive. Having the ability to laugh at such moments and turn them into intimate experiences together will create fun little memories. Such memories can strengthen the bond between two people.
Don’t be afraid to get silly and be spontaneous. These are two things that will often go missing as a relationship progresses. If you manage to preserve a little bit of the early enthusiasm, jollity and eve naiveté of your first relationship months, you’ll be on the path to success together.
Forget about the Cliché Tips
Try out all of the positions from the kama sutra. Dress like a sexy French maid and greet your partner at the door this way. Schedule sex, even if you don’t feel like having it. These are just a few of the tips you’ll come across in magazines.
Guess what – the magazines often get it wrong.
They focus on stereotypes and clickbait titles that will get people interested. The legitimacy and effectiveness of their tips, however, are questionable at best.
As people who have been in a relationship with each other for some time already, you know how to communicate and how to focus on the specific problems you have. Generic tips like giving your partner a striptease to spice things up aren’t going to cut it. If something seems exciting and desirable – do it. Otherwise, seek for a technique that’s more in line with what you’re trying to accomplish.
Know How to Handle Stress (Like a Boss)
Having steamy, passionate sex is very easy in the first years of a relationship.
There will be no distractions, stressors or mountains of chores to address before getting down and dirty.
In time, things start to change.
According to a UK study, stress is a major passion killer that affects almost 50 percent of people in a relationship. Financial worries, too many responsibilities, having to take care of the family and uncertainty rank among the biggest stressors.
In other words, sexy time when you’re 23 is one thing. Sexy time when you’re 40, you’re dealing with a mortgage and two unruly kids is something completely different.
If you manage to deal with these issues, you’ll probably get in a better mood for bedroom fun. Schedule a date night and have a babysitter for the kids. Consider financial counselling to improve your stability and stop worrying about debt. Organize household chores to find a little bit of relief from everything you have to do on a daily basis.
It’s true that relationship happiness becomes a fine balancing act in time. With a bit of input from all parties involved, however, you can achieve that outcome you’re very much hoping for.
And one final thing – don’t compare your relationship to what others are saying or doing.
If you are to believe the words of others, they’re probably having sex two times per day. Bragging is very easy and most of the time, it doesn’t contain a single grain of truth. Your sex life should be fun and diversified enough to satisfy you and the person you love. If both of you feel fulfilled, the opinions and anecdotes other share wouldn’t really matter.