No matter where you originally met, in a social setting or via online dating, the conclusion of any relationship will bring common issues. For many couples, the prospect of going their separate ways is traumatic, and there might be an extended overlap period where they remain on friendly terms. To others, the demise of being ‘an item’ needs to represent a clean break. All the evidence demonstrates the most effective and healthy way to get over a relationship is to accept a line has been drawn, and the time has come to move on. Here are five things which will hold you back from making the most of your future.
You keep postponing the inevitable
One thing guaranteed to prevent you from moving on in relationships is failing to accept the inevitable. When a previous partnership has run its course, you have a clear choice about the extent to which you remain on close terms. This is all dependent on whether you parted on good or bad terms. By all means, keep in touch with your previous partner out of common courtesy, but there is no point in postponing the moment when you start afresh.
You focus on the past
It is only natural to dwell on pleasant memories, as even when a relationship ends messily, there are bound to have been treasured moments at some point. But if you want to move on, it is necessary to harden your attitude and have less of a sentimental outlook on your personal history. So forget about having a few glasses of wine then browsing through those old photo galleries on your phone or laptop. Far better to consign these images to some archive and forget about them. Instead, devote your emotional energy to the next chapter in your life.
You try papering over the cracks
Whenever there was friction in a relationship, how did you deal with this? Were you the type of person who would confront any situation and attempt to resolve it there and then? Or were you more likely to gloss over unsavory aspects? The trouble with papering over cracks is the issues are never completely dealt with and are liable to fester in the background for much longer than is natural. If you want to progress in your relationship, it is important to be able to start afresh, knowing you have the strength to put distasteful incidents firmly behind you.
You maintain lines of communication
One aspect of relationships which is absolutely guaranteed to hamper your attempts to move on is keeping in touch with an ex. Just think how awkward it would be to a new partner if someone from your past was continually infringing on your time. What could be more disrespectful to the new person in your life than to feel as if there is a third party constantly hovering in the background? It would be far better to delete the former partner from your contacts list. If this person does have issues, then they should not really have anything to do with yourself. Surely this will be something to face with their own new partner?
You compare the present with the past
You are never going to move on emotionally if you keep on judging what you presently have, compared to what you used to have. Perhaps you’ve come across an exciting new partner and are in the early stages of getting to know them better. You should devote all your energies to connecting with them and never at the expense of comparing aspects of their personality with someone you’re no longer emotionally attached to.